Marriage

I'm getting to that age where quite a few of my friends are starting to get married and start families. If I’m not getting news of an engagement, a wedding, a pregnancy or a baby, it’s a slow week. Personally, I like to think that I am not fussed on marriage. But that's a lie. Well, it’s not a lie but marriage and having a wedding are two different things. Don’t get me wrong, I am not exactly the type who’s been dreaming about my fairytale wedding since I was a little girl. That’s definitely not my style. But I would love to have a wedding – simply because it’s an excuse to get dressed up and get all your friends together for a day of celebrating something cool. I love that wedding dance video that I mentioned in a previous blog and it's that sort of thing that makes me excited about going to weddings, and maybe having one in the future. As for the marriage side of things – I guess what I look forward to is finding someone to share my life with on a long term basis. I don’t think it’s necessary to actually be married in order to make a life with someone, or have a family. I think I would be perfectly happy to be with someone long term without getting married if we were totally in love, had made an enduring commitment to each other and were working towards the same life goals. If they had an aversion to getting married, for the right reasons, I would be ok with that.

I am lucky enough that my parents are still together – they celebrated their 32^nd wedding anniversary last month, but their years together have certainly had their ups and downs and I’m sure they would be the first people to say that having rings and a marriage license doesn’t make your relationship any more secure, or better, than if you didn’t. I feel like I have strong role models in my parents however, but I do understand that many of the people I know have parents who are divorced, or who have not seen the best side of marriage, so I can appreciate that it’s not for some people. My aunt has been with her partner for about 22 years now – both were married before, and they have chosen not to get married. I couldn’t imagine them being with anyone else, and for all intents and purposes, they are married – they share a home and their lives and have made a long term commitment to each other.

My one sticking point is the proposal. I am a total sucker for romantic proposal stories and whenever I hear people have gotten engaged, the first thing I want to know is the when, where and how of it (usually the who and why are usually pretty obvious). My cousin got engaged to her Otago farmer boyfriend last week. He wrote ‘Marry me Jemma’ in bailage in one of their paddocks, let the sheep in to eat it, and then drove her out to see it from hill top. Now THAT’S a proposal.

If I ever do end up with someone who asks me to marry them, I hope that they know me well enough to know that I must have a good proposal story to tell – it doesn’t have to be expensive, or on a grand scale, just something original, romantic and memorable. Now, that’s not asking too much is it? If it’s not up to par, I might just say no!

One of my oldest friends is marrying her partner at Ohope Beach in Whakatane this weekend. I so wish I could be there - I love the air of celebration at weddings, dressing up, amazing food, free wine, catching up with friends and the awesome happy vibe - but alas it's a little far for me to travel. I have asked a friend to do a reading on my behalf, so I'll be there in spirit. Big ups to Bonnie and Chris.....I'll be thinking of you on the day.

Travelling alone

As I said in my previous blog, I am off to South and Central America for a couple of months at the end of November and, at this stage, it looks as though I'll be travelling on my own. I must admit, this is a bit of a daunting prospect and isn't exactly ideal, but it's something I feel ok about. I've wanted to travel South America ever since I've wanted to come to Canada, which first became a possibility back in 2005, but due to life and things and stuff, it didn't start to become an actuality until last year.

I haven't really done much travelling on my own before. I backpacked around Europe four years ago with a girlfriend and I've spent a few days here and there on my own, but I haven't been anywhere, by myself, in a potentially dangerous and non-English speaking country before. I'd rather be travelling with someone, and that's not just because of the safety issue - I'd love to be able to share my experiences and adventures with someone. I still laugh and reminisce about the things that happened when we travelled Europe with the friend I went with, and I think I will miss being able to share the trip with someone close to me. But, as the same friend pointed out, I am choosing to do this because I really want to see South America and if I didn't, I wouldn't be going. This is something that is certainly going to put me out of my comfort zone, which in itself is something I am always keen to do.

I've scoured the internet to see what other women think about travelling on their own in that part of the world and it seems to me that if you are pretty sensible and travel savvy, which I like to think I am, and make yourself aware of the potential dangers, they can be avoided fairly easily. I've read that it's a good idea to wear a band on your ring finger and invent a husband or boyfriend - apparently if you 'belong' to another man, you are less likely to get harassed (sexism abounds). I am prepared that as a western, blonde woman, I will probably get a bit of attention - I guess I just have to practice saying "Por favor, déjame en paz" (Please, leave me alone). Of course, I get the stories about the friend of a friend who got mugged and raped by a taxi driver, or the girl who befriended a seemingly helpful man on a bus and had all her money stolen but as far as I'm concerned, this could happen anywhere and to anyone, and I don't want to let the possibility of negative things happening prevent me from doing what I really want. Before I drove around Australia in a clapped out van, almost everyone asked me if I'd seen the movie Wolf Creek. and despite the fact that the van broke down in the outback several times, I didn't meet any murderous bushmen.

Of course I am looking forward to the freedom of travelling on my own - being able to go where I want, when I want and how I want, being able to make last minute changes to plans and not having to make sure it's ok with someone else. One of the aspects of this trip I am looking forward to the most is meeting new people along the way - like-minded travelling types - and being on your own makes it more of a priority and somewhat easier to make new friends. So bring it on, I say - new challenges and new adventures!