Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Marriage

I'm getting to that age where quite a few of my friends are starting to get married and start families. If I’m not getting news of an engagement, a wedding, a pregnancy or a baby, it’s a slow week. Personally, I like to think that I am not fussed on marriage. But that's a lie. Well, it’s not a lie but marriage and having a wedding are two different things. Don’t get me wrong, I am not exactly the type who’s been dreaming about my fairytale wedding since I was a little girl. That’s definitely not my style. But I would love to have a wedding – simply because it’s an excuse to get dressed up and get all your friends together for a day of celebrating something cool. I love that wedding dance video that I mentioned in a previous blog and it's that sort of thing that makes me excited about going to weddings, and maybe having one in the future. As for the marriage side of things – I guess what I look forward to is finding someone to share my life with on a long term basis. I don’t think it’s necessary to actually be married in order to make a life with someone, or have a family. I think I would be perfectly happy to be with someone long term without getting married if we were totally in love, had made an enduring commitment to each other and were working towards the same life goals. If they had an aversion to getting married, for the right reasons, I would be ok with that.

I am lucky enough that my parents are still together – they celebrated their 32nd wedding anniversary last month, but their years together have certainly had their ups and downs and I’m sure they would be the first people to say that having rings and a marriage license doesn’t make your relationship any more secure, or better, than if you didn’t. I feel like I have strong role models in my parents however, but I do understand that many of the people I know have parents who are divorced, or who have not seen the best side of marriage, so I can appreciate that it’s not for some people. My aunt has been with her partner for about 22 years now – both were married before, and they have chosen not to get married. I couldn’t imagine them being with anyone else, and for all intents and purposes,
they are married – they share a home and their lives and have made a long term commitment to each other.

My one sticking point is the proposal. I am a total sucker for romantic proposal stories and whenever I hear people have gotten engaged, the first thing I want to know is the when, where and how of it (usually the who and why are usually pretty obvious). My cousin got engaged to her Otago farmer boyfriend last week. He wrote ‘Marry me Jemma’ in bailage in one of their paddocks, let the sheep in to eat it, and then drove her out to see it from hill top. Now THAT’S a proposal.

If I ever do end up with someone who asks me to marry them, I hope that they know me well enough to know that I must have a good proposal story to tell – it doesn’t have to be expensive, or on a grand scale, just something original, romantic and memorable. Now, that’s not asking too much is it? If it’s not up to par, I might just say no!

One of my oldest friends is marrying her partner at Ohope Beach in Whakatane this weekend. I so wish I could be there - I love the air of celebration at weddings, dressing up, amazing food, free wine, catching up with friends and the awesome happy vibe - but alas it's a little far for me to travel. I have asked a friend to do a reading on my behalf, so I'll be there in spirit. Big ups to Bonnie and Chris.....I'll be thinking of you on the day.



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